104: Why am I not surprised.
life: general / 09 Aug 2010
Honestly, how many people actually know her? But she sings better than so many others.
Bye bye bye
Goodbye
103: Talk, talk their lying talk.
life: rant / 24 Jul 2010
Miles Awayby Carol Ann Duffy
I want you and you are not here. I pause
in this garden, breathing the colour thought is
before language into still air. Even your name
is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again
and again, it will not stay with me. Tonight
I make you up, imagine you, your movements clearer
than the words I have you say you said before.
Whereever you are now, inside my head you fix me
with a look, standing here whilst cool late light
dissolves into the earth. I have got your mouth wrong,
but still it smiles. I hold you closer, miles away,
inventing love, until the calls of nightjars
interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain,
into memory. The stars are filming us for no one.
Should I end this already? I've had enough anyway.
Or has this already ended? I'm exhausted. More like, I'm bored.
---
Recently, quite a few things happened. Last week was chaotic. Results and people. As if the theme for the week was 'sudden'. Sudden bolts of joy, sudden bouts of tears. (And a sudden MC on Friday.)
Come to think of it, whose side would you take?
At first I kept thinking about where I should stand.
But the more I thought, the more I realized that one wrong doesn't make the other right. Just because pencil lead isn't black, doesn't make it white. It's just grey. Full of ambiguity, neither here nor there, but that's what most accurately reflects reality. It's erasable physically, but mentally, we know the mistake has been made. The act of erasing is only a physical means to console the guilty heart. Why not remember the folly of rashness so that the eraser doesn't have to be used again?
The more I delve into this topic, the more I understand that sides indicate bipolarity. Why should extremity be encouraged? Why should it even be acknowledged? Sides are only the lines of shapes, but they should never be barriers for the soul.
Moreover, there is a vast difference between emotional and sentimental. I never thought there's a huge difference, but now I know that while they're not opposites, they're miles away. The difference isn't about contrast, but distance. About variation, about understanding the value of emotions. About the ability to relate, about knowing the true audience of an apology. About who the diligent is, about who the talent is.
When you say "I'm sorry.", are you saying it because you want the person to feel better, or are you soothing your guilt? There's a difference. They're not opposites, but the former's of sentiment. The latter, mere emotions trying to catch up with the game.
Paulo Coelho's right after all.
When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.
-- Paulo Coelho
I didn't understand what this meant when I first read it, only my intuition telling me that someday, I will be able to relate to it. Maybe I still don't understand it, but at least I'm one step closer to comprehension.
I never believe in destiny. And I still don't. Last week only proved to me that my life motto's right after all. There is no Heaven's Will, only willpower. There's the opportunity to control, there's the opportunity to submit. All the time needed to make a decision is just a split second. There. The path is walked, and there's no turning back.
But so what if we make mistakes? Life without flaws, is like a novel without a plot. So what's the purpose?
SIGH. I should stop this. Just wanna let go for a while. It's been some time since something happened. Finally, it's Saturday night. I breathe on Saturday nights. So tonight, I'll finish my Lit presentation prep and then recuperate. My mind needs some rest.
(I don't even want to talk about Math revision. ARGH.)
---
I read something that I thought I'd never touch in a million years. This calls for MORE rest.
An aftermath of shocks.
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